3 poems by Linnea Brett

people i want to sleep with before i die

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the girl with the mohawk who i smoked a cigarette in order to sit near at a party in 2009

my ex girlfriend’s friend who was rude to me in 2011

my ex girlfriend’s other friend, with the lip ring, who made me a whiskey ginger in 2012

someone twice my age (have to prioritize in the next few years before it gets too weird)

my ex girlfriend’s other friend who used to date the friend who was rude to me in 2011 (i’m not attracted to her- this would be out of spite)

my research methods professor senior year

someone who, upon meeting for the first time, i immediately become enemies with

this woman i met at goodbar in 2013 who didn’t believe i was gay until i showed her pictures of me with my ex girlfriend (i want to leave before she finishes)

my interviewer for a job i turned down in 2014 who was literally 5’11” (if she ever comes out of the closet)

justin bieber in the promo pictures for his 2015 album purpose

this woman from twitter who kinda looks like my ex girlfriend’s friend who was rude to me in 2011

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things i’ve said to my girlfriend while crying

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voting is so important

sorry i sang rockin robin to you last night (i wasn’t crying when i sang it, just when i apologized the next day)

am i getting my period?

i’m gonna donate my vagina to charity

why am i the masc one?

i just wanna know facts about animals

i don’t like kangaroos

please stop talking to me about lizards

everything that doesn’t have fur is a lizard

sorry for not being a fucking science expert

is tylenol the one i shouldn’t mix with alcohol? i’m not drinking right now i just want to keep my options open

it just really means a lot to me that i have elders

and she like took off her shirt in front of the white house in the 90s

you know i don’t like onions

i see now that this was the wrong time for me to make a joke

i really want a cat

i just really like cats

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times we could have kissed but didn’t

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when you pushed me into the wall, and then smirked, and said go ahead, push me back

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when we were shoulder checking each other in front of the coolers and your arm slipped and you said i’m sorry i touched your boob, that was an accident. i’m trying to take these boundaries seriously

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when i said there are so many different ways to love someone and sometimes it’s hard to tell them apart and you said yeah and we both knew we were talking about each other

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when i said you really hurt my feelings today, dude. you made me feel stupid. and you said  i would never hurt you on purpose. i didn’t mean to, i’m so sorry. i didn’t even think about it. and i said you didn’t think about it? honestly i think that makes it worse

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when you said are you in love with her? and i said i don’t know how i feel

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when i looked at the floor and bit my lip and you said you’re really not going to make this easy for me

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when you said i’m so sorry that i hurt you and i’m even more sorry that you don’t feel like i care about you. i know it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t feel it, but i really do deeply care about you and your feelings. i understand that you’re an entire human outside of me and how you make me feel. i think you’re thoughtful and gentle and tough. it’s an incredible failure on my part for not making you feel cared for or loved. i’ll miss you very much, but i understand and respect if your decision is to not talk anymore. i’ll be thinking about you.

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and then i said i keep trying to make my needs smaller and it just makes me feel smaller and like all i have are needs. i don’t even feel like i have anything to offer another person at this point, like, i just feel like this desperate, shivering heap of needs. this can’t be my life anymore

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and you didn’t say anything

the first time i got in your car

last time i got in your car

when you said so no, in short, i’m too selfish to let you go

every time i have ever gotten into your car

when you said you’re going to let me kiss you now

oh

oops

wait